"The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibels."
"The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles."
"One of the opposums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan."
"Saint Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage."
"Christians only have one spouse. This is called monotony."
"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off"
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built the Ark and the animals came on in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but was a pillar of fire during the night."
"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they has trouble with unsympathetic genitals."
"Sampson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah."
"Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles."
"Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients."
"The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Ammendments."
"The first Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple."
"The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery."
"Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol"
"The greates mirical in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him!"
"David was a hebrew King who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins who were a race of people who lived in biblical times."
"Soloman, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."
"When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta."
"Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption."
"St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head."
"Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do it to you. He also explained that man does not live by sweat alone."
"It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance."